Jim Hayes

And that is the power of a good parenting habit: by changing our knee-jerk reactions to ordinary situations, we uncover different ways of letting God’s grace guide our hearts—and our children’s hearts—into new patterns of life together.

Psychologists recommend that you ask your friend to fill in the blanks to these two statements: “In our family, the one thing you must never do is _____” and “In our family, the one thing you must do above all else is ________.” That’s a way to help a person see more clearly the deep values that were embedded in the way they were raised.

The final role of a parent is just to be someone who keeps looking to Jesus. As you do that, your children will be looking at you. Then you just point up and smile, saying, “See, there’s the father who loves us. Let’s both become like him.”

When Jung said, “The greatest burden that a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents”—boy, if you’re a parent that really reminds you, “I better be doing my own work here, because where I’m stuck in life, my child, who I might profess to love, is either going to stay stuck or be spending their life trying to get unstuck.”

Our children were made to find life, hope, identity, and meaning in God. They were made to surrender their will and their natural gifts to him. They were created to stay willingly inside God’s boundaries.

Read your job description. Your job as a parent is to raise your child to be the best person she or he can be. Your reward comes from knowing that you have done your job well. As wonderful as it is to receive a loving hug or a spontaneous and unasked-for “I love being with you” from your child, such shows of affection can’t be your main objective.

One of the most profound challenges of having kids is that raising them isn’t simply about shaping their financial values and decision-making skills. Teaching them means questioning our own priorities as well, which is a healthy thing to do in any event. So defining enough for us grown-ups has to happen as early as possible in the parenting

And of course there was also a lot of shrugging of shoulders and “Do we have to do this?” But such are the perils of routines. Whether you are trying to get everyone to eat their veggies or buckle their seat belts, the most important habits will always be the source of questions and complaints—but parents persevere. Remember—that’s why we’re here.