It’s a gaze that radiates respect. It’s a gaze that says that every person I meet is unique, unrepeatable, and, yes, superior to me in some way. Every person I meet is fascinating on some topic.

When you’re practicing Illuminationism, you’re offering a gaze that says, “I want to get to know you and be known by you.”

this posture of respect and reverence, this awareness of the infinite dignity of each person you meet, is a precondition for seeing people well.

The quality of your life depends quite a bit on the quality of attention you project out onto the world.

Each of us has a characteristic way of showing up in the world, a physical and mental presence that sets a tone for how people interact with us.

Being an Illuminator, seeing other people in all their fullness, doesn’t just happen. It’s a craft, a set of skills, a way of life. Other cultures have words for this way of being. The Koreans call it nunchi, the ability to be sensitive to other people’s moods and thoughts. The Germans (of course) have a word for it: herzensbildung, training one’s

In essence, mother and daughter are so busy making their own case, they can’t get inside the other’s perspective.

Part of the reason the Gornicks can’t see each other is because they pay attention only to the effect the other has on them.

Gornick’s book is so good because it illustrates that even in cases where we’re devoted to a person, and know a lot about them, it’s still possible to not see them. You can be loved by a person yet not be known by them.