How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

Finally, a person who is good at accompaniment understands the art of presence.

trust is built when individual differences are appreciated, when mistakes are tolerated, and when one person says, more with facial expressions than anything else, “I’ll be there when you want me. I’ll be there when the time is right.”

how important it is to honor another person’s ability to make choices.

The third quality of accompaniment I should mention is the other-centeredness of it.

The next quality of accompaniment is playfulness.

“lingerable.”

The person who is good at accompaniment exercises what the philosopher Simone Weil called “negative effort.” This is the ability to hold back and be aware of the other person’s timetable. “We do not obtain the most precious gifts by going in search of them but by waiting for them,” Weil wrote.

The first quality I associate with accompaniment is patience.

Accompaniment, in this meaning, is an other-centered way of moving through life. When you’re accompanying someone, you’re in a state of relaxed awareness—attentive and sensitive and unhurried. You’re not leading or directing the other person. You’re just riding alongside as they experience the ebbs and flows of daily life. You’re there to be of hel