Part of my background for the idea of Christian habits reenchanting a disenchanted world is Charles Taylor’s argument that a key feature of our “secular age” is living within a world that cannot see beyond the material. For more on this, see his work A Secular Age (Cambridge, MA: Belknap, 2007), or James K. A. Smith’s helpful primer How (Not) to Be

For an in-depth and practical take on this connection between our imaginations and our loves, see James K. A. Smith’s work You Are What You Love: The Spiritual Power of Habit (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos, 2016).

It is fascinating to note that popular writers on the psychology of habit note exactly the same thing that the tradition of Christian teaching on spiritual disciplines do: that our inner identity is deeply tied to our outer habits. James Clear, in his book Atomic Habits (New York: Avery, 2018), notes this aggregating power of small things and

These books are extremely useful but are best read through Curt Thompson’s Christian lens of the soul. See his books Anatomy of the Soul: Surprising Connections between Neuroscience and Spiritual Practices That Can Transform Your Life and Relationships (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale, 2010) and The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe about

For a fascinating and surprisingly beautiful book on seeking families as the place of spiritual formation, rather than seeking solitude and retreats, see Ernest Boyer Jr., Finding God at Home: Family Life as Spiritual Discipline (San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1984).

And it’s true, of course. For all of us, someone has. His name is Jesus. And the idea of cultivating habits of the household is nothing more than cultivating rhythms of looking at the God who is always looking back at us. He is the one who smiles us into smiling and loves us all into loving.

The final role of a parent is just to be someone who keeps looking to Jesus. As you do that, your children will be looking at you. Then you just point up and smile, saying, “See, there’s the father who loves us. Let’s both become like him.”

There is a beautiful tension here. In the final analysis, it is neither us nor our habits that form our children, it’s Jesus’ grace. He is the one who walks with them through their best and their worst days. Just like he has done for us. That’s a big relief for us parents. And yet, Jesus uses us. And he uses our habits too.

I often think about how the gospel posture of a parent is opening yourself up to be hurt by your children, while committing to loving them anyway. That’s what Jesus did for us, after all.