Sublime

You have been programmed as a child to behave the way you are behaving.

that being a responsible sender is just as important as being a good listener.

Her identity was based on pleasing others and the fear of not being liked if she didn’t. In her experience, she was not a real person who deserved respect and who, without any fabrication or effort, was lovable.

In family therapy we call this redistribution. You take a quality that is supposedly lodged in one person—like badness—and you move it around.

When communicating with people who are caught in the rigid survival pattern, you may also need to help them manage their inner critic and their fear that they will be punished if they do something wrong. You can help them out by agreeing with them whenever you can, even with small parts of what they say. Your agreement and validation calms their fe

For leaders, this approach accesses a mind-set that includes a focus on both results (action) and on growth (learning).

Helping people grow through mutual regulation: 1. Situate: build rapport through neural resonance increase attunement (and provide safe haven)

internal working models.11 He saw them as maps you developed as a child of what to expect from your caretaker and the world in general, and then from subsequent close relationships.

~ The most familiar models of who we are—father and daughter, doctor and patient, “helper” and “helped”—often turn out to be major obstacles to the expression of our caring instincts; they limit the full measure of what we have to offer one another.