Sublime

Affirmations are only effective when used along with other processes that help change the Nice Guy’s core beliefs.

Self-respect, courage, and integrity look good on a man. As recovering Nice Guys chart their own path and put themselves first, people respond.

Nice Guys tend to express their frustration and resentment in indirect, roundabout, and not so nice ways. This includes being unavailable, forgetting, being late, not following through, not being able to get an erection, climaxing too quickly, and repeating the same annoying behaviors even when they have promised to never do them again.

As stated in previous chapters, two major factors prevent Nice Guys from getting what they want in love. The first is that they tend to re-create familiar yet dissatisfying relationships. They find partners who will help them create the same dysfunctional kinds of relationships they experienced as children.

The next day, Jake confronted his wife. He acknowledged his role in their situation. He told her that he was no longer going to tolerate intolerable behavior. He told her his boundaries. He would no longer tolerate Kisha dancing or flirting with other men.

defensively nonintimate

Everything a Nice Guy does or says is at some level calculated to gain someone’s approval or avoid disapproval. This is especially true in their relationships with women.

If you know you can get out, you can date several women and risk getting all in with the women who look promising. And you can do so without the fear of being trapped and smothered.

The second kind of Nice Guy is the “I’m so good” Nice Guy. This man handles his toxic shame by repressing his core belief about his worthlessness. He believes he is one of the nicest guys you will ever meet.