If it frightens you, do it. ■Don’t settle. Every time you settle, you get exactly what you settled for. ■Put yourself first. ■No matter what happens, you will handle it. ■Whatever you do, do it one hundred percent. ■If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got. ■You are the only person on this planet responsible for

In most situations, Nice Guys aren’t victims to others, they victimize themselves. By his attitudes and actions, Sal all but guaranteed that he would never experience any kind of success or satisfaction in his job.

They waste time, they procrastinate, they start things but don’t finish, they spend too much time fixing other people’s problems, they distract themselves with trivial pursuits, they create chaos, they make excuses.

Once I let go of the burden of having to get published, be a best-selling author, and appear on Oprah, everything changed.

What’s the difference? ■A conscious decision to face fears ■A conscious decision to not settle for mediocrity ■A conscious decision to make my own rules

Bob, Here is roughly how I arrived at the new job: 1. Very first, before anything else could happen, I had to stop being a victim. 2. I began by setting boundaries. At first they were small ones and they grew with time. 3. From the boundaries being set and respected, I started believing in myself. 4. Honesty came along somewhere during this time.

Second, Nice Guys rarely experience the kind of relationships they want because they are bad enders. When a healthy person would pack up and move on, Nice Guys just keep doing more of the same, hoping that something will miraculously change.

This internalized sense of inadequacy and defectiveness is carried into adulthood. Some Nice Guys compensate by trying to do everything right. They hope that by doing so, no one will ever find out how inadequate they are. Other Nice Guys just give up before they try. This feeling of inadequacy prevents Nice Guys from making themselves visible,

a Nice Guy was called on to take care of a critical, needy, or dependent parent, he received a double dose of toxic shame. A child believes he should be able to please a critical parent, fix the problems of a depressed parent, and meet the needs of a smothering parent. Unfortunately, he can’t.