Sublime

To what are you attached, that if you let go of, would set you free? Have you opened your love to the great love? Are you are helping people you have never known and may never see? (Barks, 2004) Have you ever been introduced to the “you” that pre-dates you, that wants for nothing, that has nothing to lose, and that does not need development and nev

Without healthy allowing in childhood, we may choose a controlling partner and tell ourselves, “I have to do it his way or else.” We do not notice others’ attempts to manipulate us. We can be fooled by a relationship that looks good but is full of demands and expectations.

Over the years we each develop a particular blend of strategies designed to hide our flaws and compensate for what we believe is wrong with us.

The unmet need of merging-patterned people is to feel full of themselves and ready to use that fullness to act on their own behalf. They are stuck in the belief that they must get what they need from others, instead of learning how to meet their own needs. So their attention stays focused on their connection to others and on pleasing or manipulatin

Love in adulthood is a re-experiencing of the love our every cell remembers. The way we were loved in early life is the way we want to be loved all our lives. Most of us know just what it takes for us to feel loved. What we have to learn is how to ask for it. A partner is not a mind-reader, so it is up to each of us to tell our partner what our bra

Without understanding how our feelings, thoughts, and behaviors work together, it’s almost impossible to find our way back to ourselves and each other. When we don’t understand how our emotions shape our thoughts and decisions, we become disembodied from our own experiences and disconnected from each other.

Some specific ways of practicing love are by showing what I call the “five A’s”: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing.

This I know: the mind, left to itself, repeats the same stories, the same loops. Mostly ones that don’t serve us. So what’s practical, what’s transformative, is to consciously choose a thought. Then practice it again and again. With emotion, with feeling, with acceptance.