juliana ong

historically, marriage was an economic arrangement between families. And now it’s an identity project — two individuals seeking self-actualization

It takes deep psychological work to love the child we have, not the one we imagined or would choose; to listen fully, respect their autonomy and offer wisdom only when asked. As Anna Freud said, “A mother’s job is to be there to be left.”

But maybe average isn’t so bad. Maybe we can do a lot with average. When we can’t aim for the top, what do we aim for? To be free from the endless artifice of our own invisible boxes. To be moved. To get to the juicy center right now. To tell the truth. To make art, to read poetry, to pop the bubble of the illusion that life’s long enough for... See more

I wonder if sunflowers feel lonely; they might not even notice each other standing in a field of flowers. They are too busy trying to see and be seen by the sun. Chasing the light, not unlike how we chase visibility, failing to recognize those around us, and those absent.

In order to free ourselves from the machine, we need to double down on our real-world desires. Deep down, our bodies are still closer to the animalistic instincts of our ancestors than the technologies we will eventually merge with. Machines are hacking this instinctive system and using it to keep us hooked. It is time we instead become addicted to... See more

Perhaps the most important insight is this: when we criticize our technology, we’re really criticizing ourselves. And when we try to imagine better systems, we’re really trying to imagine better ways of being human.

Relational ambivalence is exhausting because it forces us to live in contradictions, unsure of which side to trust.

In short: The first half of the twentieth century was about mastering the physical world, the first half of the twenty-first has been about escaping it.

This shift has moral as well as economic consequences. When a society pushes its citizens to take only financial risks, it hollows out the virtues that once made collective life possible: trust,... See more