juliana ong

I grew up believing what all modern people are taught: that freedom meant lack of constraint. Orthodoxy taught me that this freedom was no freedom at all, but enslavement to the passions: a neat description of the first thirty years of my life. True freedom, it turns out, is to give up your will and follow God’s. To deny yourself. To let it come. I... See more

But choice is not the same as freedom. Freedom is actually the ability to make a choice in the middle of restrictions.

I believe what Steve Jobs said about how you “only connect the dots in retrospect,” but every once in a while, you know with unshakeable certainty that this moment you’re in right now is a massive new dot getting drawn. You don’t know exactly where you’ll go from here, or even what exactly to make of the experience, but you know it will have been a... See more

Love asks for heat. Left cold, we harden into our existing shape. But under the steady warmth of attention, we soften, loosen, and take on new form. The right gaze reorganises the self; you begin to recognise yourself more clearly in their eyes, and they in yours. Each becomes more singular by being seen, a longing to inhabit the silhouette cast by... See more

But maybe average isn’t so bad. Maybe we can do a lot with average. When we can’t aim for the top, what do we aim for? To be free from the endless artifice of our own invisible boxes. To be moved. To get to the juicy center right now. To tell the truth. To make art, to read poetry, to pop the bubble of the illusion that life’s long enough for... See more

This is one of those polarities I'm learning to embrace: that you can see improvement in many things, but still you never really stop worrying; you just get better at dealing with it.

In a world where care can feel like a sparse resource, the dream of finding “the one” evokes a fantastical reverie, in which one is promised lightness and ease. If only, the right person could arrive, and we can relax into fully being seen, held, and resourced for the rest of our days.

This mindset is one I have been grappling with for much of my... See more

Fulfillment... is a function of time. The search for pleasure is circular, repetitive, atemporal... It has an end. It comes to the end and has to start over. It is not a journey and return, but a closed cycle, a locked room, a cell... The thing about working with time, instead of against it, ...is that it is not wasted. Even pain counts.