On love, limerence, and other-significant-others

When we make space for the unseen dynamics within relationship, we welcome relational nothingness. We acknowledge that we might not need to know what is the “problem” to ask, what is truly present here?

Relationship Ecology is the practice of seeing communities, and relationships as part of an ecosystem. By seeing communities as an ecosystem, moments of conflict are not personality errors, but rather, signals that communicate a weak point in the community ecosystem asking for support.

If you want to be loved, find something you love. People can sense it when you have something you’re dedicated to. No one wants the burden of being the answer to your dissatisfication.

Our care has become privatized and systematized, hirable, exportable, industrialized, and depersonalized. In this reality, our romantic partner, our nuclear system, has become a gateway towards what care we can afford, participate in, and access.

It makes sense to me that, the gravity of finding, “my person,” is the one holdout against the... See more

At the heart of it, each one of us longs for care, support, love, and generosity. What I have found, is how easy it can be to default into ideals of romance as the strategy to meeting these longings. Yet, the opportunity to creatively return ourselves to the wholeness of village life, is an act of defiant lovemaking to the spirit of our humanity.... See more

In a world where care can feel like a sparse resource, the dream of finding “the one” evokes a fantastical reverie, in which one is promised lightness and ease. If only, the right person could arrive, and we can relax into fully being seen, held, and resourced for the rest of our days.

This mindset is one I have been grappling with for much of my... See more

What’s more precious when one is young — that loose sensation of complete possibility, or the soundness of maturing under an affectionate wing?

It is in relationships that we discover both our depths and our limits, there that we anneal ourselves and transcend ourselves, there that we are hurt the most and there that we find the most healing.

Romantic love has taken on excessive significance in modern times because it is supposed to fill the void left by other social bonds. Family, religion, community—all of these have lost their footing. So we charge love with meaning.

It is supposed to offer intimacy, belonging, identity, and even moral fulfillment. In a world where work and... See more