On love, limerence, and other-significant-others

Our care has become privatized and systematized, hirable, exportable, industrialized, and depersonalized. In this reality, our romantic partner, our nuclear system, has become a gateway towards what care we can afford, participate in, and access.

It makes sense to me that, the gravity of finding, “my person,” is the one holdout against the... See more

At the heart of it, each one of us longs for care, support, love, and generosity. What I have found, is how easy it can be to default into ideals of romance as the strategy to meeting these longings. Yet, the opportunity to creatively return ourselves to the wholeness of village life, is an act of defiant lovemaking to the spirit of our humanity.... See more

In a world where care can feel like a sparse resource, the dream of finding “the one” evokes a fantastical reverie, in which one is promised lightness and ease. If only, the right person could arrive, and we can relax into fully being seen, held, and resourced for the rest of our days.

This mindset is one I have been grappling with for much of my... See more

But I know what love feels like; it is a feeling I can never forget. I understand that in its desperate pursuit, one may end up alone, but I’d rather be alone, hoping, than lonely in a marriage with someone who's never moved me to write a poem about them.

What’s more precious when one is young — that loose sensation of complete possibility, or the soundness of maturing under an affectionate wing?

It is in relationships that we discover both our depths and our limits, there that we anneal ourselves and transcend ourselves, there that we are hurt the most and there that we find the most healing.

Romantic love has taken on excessive significance in modern times because it is supposed to fill the void left by other social bonds. Family, religion, community—all of these have lost their footing. So we charge love with meaning.

It is supposed to offer intimacy, belonging, identity, and even moral fulfillment. In a world where work and... See more

Love, for hooks, is not a feeling but an ethical act, a conscious choice to engage in mutual transformation. To love is to take responsibility for one’s own and another’s becoming, sustaining relationships that enable freedom rather than dependency.

This definition allows for many forms of attachment but roots the concept of love in commitment: a... See more

in the past, our social lives were primarily dictated by rules, duty, obligation, and commitment. And in the other parts of the world, it still is. That is how social living is organized. You don’t go to see your grandparents because you feel like it. You go because you have to, because it’s what you do. We have replaced commitments with feeling,... See more