On love, limerence, and other-significant-others
It’s important to remember that the people we love are not necessarily the same people with whom we can make a life. Life stories are not the same as love stories. It’s a different set of ingredients, different aspirations. We can have a wonderful short-lived dalliance, totally disconnected from our realities, and it can be a perfect, beautiful... See more
The Other 3 Little Words: I love You, But—What Are We?
We tend to assign different meanings and values to certain relationships, which then flattens the connections we might have. But the truth is that the heart of every connection is its very own thing.
Celine Song Explains Why Her ‘Past Lives’ Is ‘Not at All About a Love Triangle’
love does not necessarily need to have a practical end or a happy ending that is legible or tangible
Celine Song Explains Why Her ‘Past Lives’ Is ‘Not at All About a Love Triangle’
To sit with the discomfort of holding multiple truths in relationship is part of how we open our relationships to the ecology. To shift our understanding of relationships from mainstream expectations that freeze us in certain roles, means inviting in new ways of discerning trust and safety that can hold more complexity.
to practice relationship ecology
While it is true, as generations of psychologists have found, that “who we are and who we become depends, in part, on whom we love” — a process known as limbic revision — it is also true, as generations of self-aware humans have found, that whom we love depends in large part on who we already are. Our original wounds, our formative attachments, our... See more
How (Not) to Love: George Saunders on Unbreaking Our Hearts by Breaking Our Patterns
Courage changes things and courage changes us. It’s how we become. I have found that there is a “right-sized” fear inside any vision for change, and in taking courageous action we develop a part of ourselves that can talk back to and hold the fear without letting it lead... The courage we need is the courage to fail and stay... The courage to exit... See more
How patterns change, an astronaut's antidote to despair, and the lost Italian art of sprezzatura: living with ease and openness to wonder
Who we fall in love with is ultimately a reflection of what we value individually and how we view ourselves. There’s no escaping yourself in dating. No matter who you’re sitting across from, the one constant you come up against is your own insecurities, your own unresolved issues, your own doubts and fears.
materialists
Both partners taking accountability for having an outside support network (no attempt to make each other everything)
I can’t do better than Kurt Vonnegut on this subject:
I can’t do better than Kurt Vonnegut on this subject:
Why are so many people getting divorced today? It’s because most of us don’t have extended families anymore. It used to be that when a man and a woman got married, the bride got a... See more