On love, limerence, and other-significant-others

Parallel metamorphosis occurs where there is shared investment in the movement of another’s mind. We co-create personal artifacts. A pool of shared references: books, hosted events, ideas, grinning faces on my camera roll. I save the links you send because I admire your taste. I read your words because it’s like hanging out in your brain for a... See more

I know that limerence can be misleading. It can be the beginning of a good relationship, or a complete disaster. If someone feels like the answer to the question of your life, you might want to address the fundamental sense of lack that they are triggering.

I think all romance is an enduring curiosity for another person.

I miss the futile fantasizing and being the precise target demographic of Taylor Swift’s marketing efforts. I miss being on the floor, ready to nail-to-cross myself for love. The dull aftertaste of heartbreak lingering for days, often weeks. But then, you know, I look in the mirror, and I like what I see. I see that I’m protected and can think... See more

We seem normal only to those who don’t know us very well. In a wiser, more self-aware society than our own, a standard question on any early dinner date would be: “And how are you crazy?”

And so the trick is, can you force yourself to be absolutely unsparingly realistic about what’s actually best for you?

This may sound counterintuitive, but I deeply believe that the path to happiness in a relationship is not just about finding someone who you think is going to make you happy. Rather, the reverse is equally true: the path to happiness is about finding someone who you want to make happy, someone whose happiness is worth devoting yourself to. If what

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Romantic love finds its most passionate expression in private where only one particular person can “unperplex” the other

I always make the distinction between love stories and life stories. There’s many more people you can love than people you can have a life with.