Passionate and pained

I once spent an unpleasant year studying torture in various countries where it is endemic and I was quickly shocked to learn that torture is not about pain. Pain is merely one tool used by torturers. It’s not even the most effective tool. Torture is about the psychological breakdown caused by the loss of control and understanding.

The essay suggests that in high-energy emotional states, such as falling in love, grief, awe, psychedelics, deep meditation, the brain becomes molten, its patterns loosened, more open to reorganisation. The person we focus on in these states becomes like a mold for the cooling metal, shaping how our thoughts settle, what habits crystallise, what... See more

I often joke that I make life incredibly difficult for myself, and these days I do genuinely say this in good humour. But there was a time when I often wondered why I couldn't just be happier with less—doing less, having less, being less.

And indeed, that IS the question: whether to float with the tide, or to swim for a goal. It is a choice we must all make consciously or unconsciously at one time in our lives.

choosing a little life is an act of defiance. it’s a way of saying, i will not measure my worth by how much i achieve or acquire. i will measure it by how deeply i live. it’s about valuing presence over productivity, connection over competition, depth over display.

Generic ambition will give you anxiety. Specific ambition will give you direction.

People either pursue an interesting or a happy life (that does not mean you are either boring or miserable; it means these values guide your decision-making). Penelope Trunk has a test I came across years ago. People who fall in the ‘interesting’ camp move away from family for career reasons, are maximisers of looks, status and experiences, have... See more