Passionate and pained
On finding thy self, on seeking to belong, and the heaviness that comes with it
Passionate and pained
Control and surrender have to be kept in balance. That’s what surfers do—take control of the situation, then be carried, then take control. In the last few thousand years, we’ve become incredibly adept technically. We’ve treasured the controlling part of ourselves and neglected the surrendering part.
Brian Eno
If one is told constantly that the epitome of personal “empowerment” and self-actualization is precisely that one should never sacrifice anything of the self and its desires—to always prioritize “finding yourself,” “staying true to yourself,” and maximizing autonomy—then the formation of deeper relationships is made effectively impossible.
Freya India • A World In Upheaval
choosing a little life is an act of defiance. it’s a way of saying, i will not measure my worth by how much i achieve or acquire. i will measure it by how deeply i live. it’s about valuing presence over productivity, connection over competition, depth over display.
In the area of thought, there is the intellectual who discusses his or her personal problems as though they belong to someone else. In a state of total dissociation, this individual does not experience the emotional meaning of anything he or she says or hears; such an individual prefers to talk about psychology in general rather than his or her ago
... See moreNathaniel Branden • Honoring the Self: The Pyschology of Confidence and Respect
What I can do, what I’m trying to do, is put into words how hard it is to be without religion. To feel your way through this world without moral guidance. To exist without any sense that you belong to something bigger. To have nothing to atone for; nobody to feel indebted to. And to show that yes, we might not be shackled to old-fashioned morality ... See more
N.S. Lyons • A World In Upheaval
introspection is overrated. That’s in part because what’s going on in your mind is not only more complicated than you understand, it is more complicated than you can understand. Your mind hides most of your thinking so you can get on with life. Furthermore, you’re too close to yourself. You can’t see the models you use to perceive the world because
... See moreDavid Brooks • How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen
how much of our search for connection is genuinely about others, and how much is about affirming ourselves?
I think that part of people's problem is they're not in enough gangs. There's this great tension in life where you desperately want to belong to something else and you want to stand apart at the same time. You want to be special, but you want to be accepted, too.