what even is perfectionism??

boy, this single word sure does mean a lot of things to a lot of people, huh?

Perfectionism is a mindset that demands we perform as superbly as possible to be sufficient as a person. We conflate our goodness as a person with our performance in areas we care about—academics, our job, our social behavior, fitness, appearance, parenting, home organization, the list goes on.

Ellen Hendriksen • “If I Let Go of Perfectionism I Won’t Be as Good as I Am Now.”

life is coming from you, not at you

blue • Tweet

Béa Gonzalez (sophiacycles) • Tweet

As a unitary construct, perfectionism indiscriminately mingles idealism, introversion, preoccupation with one's flaws, fear of not being able to live up to others' expectations, and making unfair demands of others.

Dr. Linda Silverman • Perfectionism: the Crucible of Giftedness

Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval. Most perfectionists grew up being praised for achievement and performance (grades, manners, rule following, people pleasing, appearance, sports). Somewhere along the way, they adopted this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it.

Brené Brown • Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

sigh ‎ ‎ ‎ swoon • Tweet

Kristin M. Collier, MD • Tweet

Dear Future Self,

I'm no longer trying to become you.

Not because I've given up,

But because I finally understand:

You emerge from how gently I hold this moment,

Not from how fiercely I chase the next one.

Su 🚀 • Tweet

Perfectionism represents the natural, innate, and healthy human impulse to align with our whole, complete selves. A restored perfectionist understands that it’s not that you long for some external thing or for yourself to be perfect, it’s that you long to feel whole and to help others feel whole.