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the mother who praises the child by saying things like “You’re such a good helper!” or “Good job!” or “Well, aren’t you something!” is unconsciously creating a hierarchical relationship and seeing the child as beneath her.
Ichiro Kishimi, Fumitake Koga • The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness
MINDING THE GAP: SUPPORTING OUR CHILDREN MEANS SUPPORTING EACH OTHER I believe it’s important at this point to pause to recognize the shaming nature of parenting “values” debates. When you listen to conversations, or read books and blogs, about controversial and/or divisive issues in parenting, like how and where women labor, circumcision, vaccinat
... See moreBrené Brown • Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
The CEO guides and leads others with confident efficiency. She doesn’t use an unsure, questioning tone, get angry or emotional. Our child needs to feel that we are not nervous about his behavior or ambivalent about establishing rules. He finds comfort when we are effortlessly in charge.
Janet Lansbury • No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
Don’t interrupt. Respect your child’s play and other chosen activities. Don’t interrupt unless absolutely necessary. Oftentimes, we realize that the runny nose or wet diaper can wait until the child is finished, or at least has a bit more time. Again, prepare children: “In a few minutes it will be time to change into your PJ’s, brush teeth and chos
... See moreJanet Lansbury • No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
PHILOSOPHER: One has to pay attention. Adlerian psychology does not recommend the noninterference approach. Noninterference is the attitude of not knowing, and not even being interested in knowing what the child is doing. Instead, it is by knowing what the child is doing that one protects him. If it’s studying that is the issue, one tells the child
... See moreIchiro Kishimi • The Courage to Be Disliked
When parents say more than a sentence or two about the limit-pushing behavior, even while remaining calm, they risk creating a tale about a child with a problem (perhaps he hugs his baby sister too forcefully), which then causes the child to identify with this as his story and problem, when it was just an impulsive, momentary behavior he tried out
... See moreJanet Lansbury • No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
If we free ourselves from our ego and simply observe our children’s development as life spontaneously teases it out of them, they become our teachers. In other words, living authentically allows us to cease looking at our children as blank canvasses on which we can project our image of who they should be, seeing them instead as fellow travelers on
... See moreHis Holiness The Dalai Lama • The Conscious Parent
Since we are the adults in charge, we are the only ones capable of protecting our relationship from being one of resentment, dishonesty, distrust, dislike. This is why I believe in giving boundaries to prevent the annoyance factor. Meaning, whenever possible, we don’t give children the freedom to irritate us through their behavior. (Yes, expression
... See moreJanet Lansbury • No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
The good child has been deprived of one of the central ingredients of a properly privileged upbringing: the experience of other people witnessing and surviving their mischief.