No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame

Unruffled, calm, and matter-of-fact are words I often use to help parents understand that intense responses to their kids’ behavior tend to backfire. Our children need to know that their parents and caregivers are not thrown by their minor misdeeds, so they can rest assured that they are well taken care of and not more powerful than the leaders the

These parents might worry that their child’s spirit will be crushed, or she’ll stop loving or trusting them if there is a conflict of will. They coax or distract their child into the behavior they want (or out of the behavior they don’t want) rather than risk being the mean guy who says “no”.

There is a lack of recognition of the healthy need toddlers have to express their burgeoning will by resisting whatever their parents want, as well as their need to release intense feelings.

Give boundaries during transitions. Young children tend to have difficulty with transitions, which means they usually need the comfort of more direction and less choice than they do at play time. They still need opportunities for autonomy, like choosing whether or not to wear their shoes to the car (if that’s an option) or the choice, “Would you li

Since we are the adults in charge, we are the only ones capable of protecting our relationship from being one of resentment, dishonesty, distrust, dislike. This is why I believe in giving boundaries to prevent the annoyance factor. Meaning, whenever possible, we don’t give children the freedom to irritate us through their behavior. (Yes, expression

Give boundaries when the child is testing.

If we hesitate to set a limit with conviction because we’re trying to figure out what is driving our child’s behavior, he or she is left with a faltering, vague, or inconclusive message instead of real help.

reflect verbally (“You were upset about not getting another cracker.”), but don’t get upset or discouraged when your child has an emotional reaction to your limits.

and don’t have to take them on… I can be a sounding board for her and gently and firmly follow through and guide her where she needs to go. With this change in perception, I no longer