Sublime

Through all her daughter’s behavior, Anya only saw her own wounds, caused by her own parents’ anger, rejection, and betrayal of her. Instead of seeing Jessica’s rebellion as a cry for help, she interpreted it as undermining her role as a parent. This served as a reminder of how powerless and worthless her parents made her feel as a child. Only now,

The parent-child mirror: In the days of my early parenthood, I had not learned that a relationship is always a mirror—that children cannot respect us if we do not respect them—that if we use power against our children our children will use power, sometimes in perverted forms, in return. I had not yet learned that if we treat our children as friends

Don’t feel threatened, breathe, project confidence, let it rollll off our back Prevent it whenever possible (by giving children safe “yes” places to explore; for example, rather than free access to markers and white sofas) Set limits calmly, clearly, early Acknowledge all desires and feelings and encourage children to express them (“You feel like t

reflect verbally (“You were upset about not getting another cracker.”), but don’t get upset or discouraged when your child has an emotional reaction to your limits.

Lembro-me de um incidente ocorrido durante a transição de minha filha Marla para a libertação emocional. Ela sempre havia sido a “garotinha perfeita”, que negava suas necessidades para atender aos desejos dos outros. Quando percebi que era frequente Marla reprimir os próprios desejos para agradar aos outros, conversei com ela a respeito de que eu g