Sublime

How to Motivate the Opposite Sex

By focusing on their relationship instead of their partner, recovering Nice Guys are able to use their partner to get in touch with their childhood experiences of abandonment, neglect, abuse, and smothering.

As stated above, the Nice Guys I counsel are generally intelligent, talented men. As these men work on recovering from the Nice Guy Syndrome, they begin to accept themselves just as they are. This acceptance of the self allows them to embrace their passions and face their fears.

Though Nice Guys desire to be liked and loved, their behaviors actually make it difficult for people to get very close to them.

He will even tolerate her bad moods, rage attacks, addictions, and emotional or sexual unavailability—all…

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spent most effectively when the Nice Guy can observe his tendency to distract himself with addictive patterns, such as keeping busy, or using sex, food, or alcohol to medicate.

prided himself on not having many ups and downs and for never losing his temper.

■If I can hide my flaws and become what I think others want me to be, then I will be loved, get my needs met, and have a problem-free life

All Nice Guys have shame and fear about being sexual and about being sexual beings.