kai
@rhizomatickai
kai
@rhizomatickai
I’m so tired and I don’t sleep that well. I am awake a lot, I struggle to fall asleep and sometimes I wake too early. It fucking sucks. I am quite anxious about it, and butter too. IYesterday, there was a birthday party and we lay down at like 1 and I was up til 3 or more. Because I was reading and I was excited about the book but also because I
... See moreI had an amazing day. We went for a 3.5 hour easy hike with my friends, then I did some work on my thesis and then I cooked for a next few days. I yawned a lot but like, once again, no suffering (because I went out and broke the cycle of self-referential thinking which drives anxiety…. All that was left was a but of yawning here an there and then some tiredness)
To fail myself. To fail myself means not achieving a goal I set for myself. When I get anxious, in the evening especially, when I get insomnia whispers and aftertastes, they stick because they are underlined by a sense of failure. And I know I know. How can I fail when I didn’t do anything actively. It happened to me. I had no control. But that’s
... See moreWhen I think about being unhappy or anxious to the point of panic in the future, it makes me recoil in horror. It is as if though now, I must be failing at my life trajectory, or my recovery trajectory if that’s how my future looks like
But when I remember I’m a becoming, a very temporally-limited sense of clarity washes over me. Because becoming
... See moreI remember back in the first months of insomnia recovery, I was so sad about experiences and thoughts suddenly reoccurring, after I believed I overcame them. I remember crying about panicking after a night of little sleep after I established that I no longer felt threatened by wakefulness. And I was, usually, doing just fine at night and the next
... See moreThe signal, the glimpses (the thoughts that trigger the anxious reaction in the bodymind
The first glimpses of
phenomenology, critical theory, frankfurt school, cultural sociology