juliana ong

historically, marriage was an economic arrangement between families. And now it’s an identity project — two individuals seeking self-actualization

Jacob Falkovich says that single people often seek out similarity when complementarity is what makes relationships cohere long-term. It’s a great observation. But how to operationalize it? Maybe: look for someone you can’t initially understand, but also don’t feel like walking away from.

First of all, I think you’re documenting too much if there’s things that you document that you don’t go back to.

I think all romance is an enduring curiosity for another person.

And just as emotional language has entered the business world — where we talk about psychological safety and vulnerability — business language has seeped into romantic relationships. We want “return on investment” and to “hedge our bets” and “this is not a deal I signed up for.”

If you poll a group of strangers on their biggest fears, I imagine that you would hear a collection of answers like, “dying,” “public speaking,” “flying,” and “family illness.” But I think, for most people, the real answer to this question lies deep in their subconscious, and it only surfaces it when risks becoming a reality: the fear of not... See more

I grew up believing what all modern people are taught: that freedom meant lack of constraint. Orthodoxy taught me that this freedom was no freedom at all, but enslavement to the passions: a neat description of the first thirty years of my life. True freedom, it turns out, is to give up your will and follow God’s. To deny yourself. To let it come. I... See more