things you should remember

If someone likes you best when you are vague, it means they fell in love with what they painted over you, not the actual contours of your selfhood. So when you begin to articulate your values, preferences, boundaries, they may pull away, because they never met you in the first place. The work of becoming specific, then, is also an act of... See more

I believe deeply in something like soulmates - a real, mutual, sustaining love. That’s the dream, of course. But the search is hard, as anything worthwhile tends to be, and we have to keep trying.

I think heartbreak deserves less caution than most of us assume. Because love, even when it doesn’t last, is still worth the price of entry. It’s proof... See more

"My Uncle...taught me something very important. He said that when things are going really well we should be sure to notice it. He was talking about very simple occasions, not great victories. Maybe drinking lemonade under a shade tree, or smelling the aroma of a bakery, or fishing, or listening to music coming from a concert hall while standing in

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I want joy to feel like peaches and pomegranates: sticky, luscious, childlike, a reminder that bliss is our default state before we learned to distrust it.

Love asks for heat. Left cold, we harden into our existing shape. But under the steady warmth of attention, we soften, loosen, and take on new form. The right gaze reorganises the self; you begin to recognise yourself more clearly in their eyes, and they in yours. Each becomes more singular by being seen, a longing to inhabit the silhouette cast by... See more

There’s this metaphor in surfing: when you’re young and inexperienced you try to catch every wave. But with some experience you know when the right wave is coming and you surf it as long as you can. It holds true with clients for me. It’s mostly out of your control when the right thing comes in, so when it does you need to be able to see it and... See more

A lesson I need to learn: It's ok to disappoint other people if you avoid disappointing yourself.