Relationships

But when they say, “I’m thinking of leaving,” I think, Now hang on a sec. You had me right up to that last bit. Fine: you’ve changed; she’s changed; life has changed. And the kids—well, they’ve disrupted, interrupted, confronted, confounded, and otherwise fundamentally altered everything . All very, very hard. And yes, sometimes it feels

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I think it’s beautiful how fidelity means both loyalty and level of detail. Because of course it should mean both those things. Of course.

Instead of asking "Are you the one," ask two questions of each of you. Do I accept my partner despite their shortcomings? Do I commit to nurture them to achieve what is important to them? And likewise, do they accept me and do they commit to me? All you need is four yeses.

One of the central myths of American romance right now is this notion that you and your partner should be able to tell each other anything and everything

I am begging you not to do this

There are so many things about you that are just for you, for your soul, as well as a whole other category of things that are only for your therapist or priest to... See more

There’s no love without vulnerability. There’s no life without fear . And you will no doubt derail romance if you are too risk-averse.

ritualized, compulsive self-disclosure is not intimacy

it’s often a defense mechanism, one that masquerades as vulnerability but actually kills erotic charge, polarity, and mystery

shared experience, unspoken tension, and real-time attunement are the components of intimacy