đź’ˇ on modern love
aka dating in your thirties
đź’ˇ on modern love
What was the goal of experience, aside from some feminist reclamation? It was an attempt to encounter as much of the world as possible, to soak up otherness and change as much as we possibly could; part of the inadequacy of living in this pursuit was the futility of trying to escape ourselves. “We really wish to be multiple,” Greif wrote in 2005.
... See moreIf this is a dream I would want to dream it all over again. I would want to go back to sleep right away. I wouldn’t believe real life could be any better than this is. I would say has this really been a dream? Because I wouldn’t believe I’d have the presence of mind to conjure all these conversations with my friends that go places that I don’t
... See moreDating advice from a friend: You don’t want someone who is fun on a night out. You want someone who is fun doing laundry.
My catchphrase on this topic is “Ease can be exciting.” I think that with the right person, you can get both the butterflies and the calm, even though we’re told they can’t coexist. That, to me, is magic: the presence of both thrill and stillness. Sometimes you have to do some math to get there.
think about the moment you fell in love, not the garbage dating app performativity, but the real thing.
nobody instructed you:
“care for this person.”
“rewrite your routines to include them.”
“let your guard down.”
lol. if someone tried to tell you that explicitly, you’d run.
what happened instead was enchantment.
you saw something that shifted the axis
... See morerelationships are inherently a two-person game, so suddenly you’re subject to someone’s process—how they communicate, how they spend their time, who they like, what they value. And you have to decide if you like it, and more than that, are capable of adapting to it.
I deduced that Johanna was probably an Alice. You can learn a lot by observing how people hang out with their friends. She laughed like a hyena, and they were obsessing over some obscure book, and they were so raw and cute. I’d never been as intrigued by a human being before.
Henrik Karlsson • Looking for Alice
I keep thinking about this Gillian Rose line from Love’s Work: “There is no democracy in any love relation: only mercy. To be at someone's mercy is dialectical damage: they may be merciful and they may be merciless.” Love necessarily involves exposure and damage. But another word for damage might be change, or expansion. Falling in love with
... See moreI’ve felt the same pressures with sex. A brief foray onto the app FEELD made me feel like vanilla ice cream. Is there a box to tick for wanting to be touched nicely, never hurt and nothing extreme or surprising? The just nice sex box please. I found it hard to relate to people’s boxes because I always thought, but isn’t it about what is between us?... See more