đź’ˇ on modern love
aka dating in your thirties
đź’ˇ on modern love
aka dating in your thirties
What was the goal of experience, aside from some feminist reclamation? It was an attempt to encounter as much of the world as possible, to soak up otherness and change as much as we possibly could; part of the inadequacy of living in this pursuit was the futility of trying to escape ourselves. “We really wish to be multiple,” Greif wrote in 2005.
... See morethink about the moment you fell in love, not the garbage dating app performativity, but the real thing.
nobody instructed you:
“care for this person.”
“rewrite your routines to include them.”
“let your guard down.”
lol. if someone tried to tell you that explicitly, you’d run.
what happened instead was enchantment.
you saw something that shifted the axis
... See moreI keep thinking about this Gillian Rose line from Love’s Work: “There is no democracy in any love relation: only mercy. To be at someone's mercy is dialectical damage: they may be merciful and they may be merciless.” Love necessarily involves exposure and damage. But another word for damage might be change, or expansion. Falling in love with
... See moreI used to believe that you should love someone for who they are. I still believe that, but with the caveat that I think that you should also love how they handle things. Is the distinction meaningful? Maybe it’s obvious—as a matchmaker, a lot of people certainly tell me they want to date someone whose judgment they respect. Of course, someone’s
... See morerelationships are inherently a two-person game, so suddenly you’re subject to someone’s process—how they communicate, how they spend their time, who they like, what they value. And you have to decide if you like it, and more than that, are capable of adapting to it.