Relations & Reflections

If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging.

If you haven't realized it from the previous chapters, owning one's own emotions and bringing up difficult topics can be hard! So it's a good idea to be kind to our partners who are brave enough to bring things up and deal with challenging situations. BDSM practitioners are familiar with the idea of "aftercare:" after a physical or emotional scene,

As a recovering perfectionist and an aspiring good-enoughist, I’ve found it extremely helpful to bust some of the myths about perfectionism so that we can develop a definition that accurately captures what it is and what it does to our lives. Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy

When discussing guidelines, make sure that you are in a neutral space where everyone feels comfortable. Choose a time when everyone is well rested and healthy. The goal is to have a space where everyone feels safe to disclose needs, wants and fears in a conversational manner. And keep the conversation broad with open-ended questions. For example:

I remain inspired and transformed by something I learned from Harriet Lerner’s book The Dance of Connection.3 Dr. Lerner explains that we all have patterned ways of managing anxiety. Some of us respond to anxiety by overfunctioning and others by underfunctioning. Overfunctioners tend to move quickly to advise, rescue, take over, micromanage, and

It’s easy to see how difficult it is to make time for the important things such as creativity, gratitude, joy, and authenticity when we’re spending enormous amounts of energy conforming and competing. Now I understand the quote from Theodore Roosevelt: “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I can’t tell you how many times I’m feeling so good about

Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection.

Here’s how the research participants described the struggle to be authentic: Don’t make people feel uncomfortable but be honest. Don’t upset anyone or hurt anyone’s feelings but say what’s on your mind. Sound informed and educated but not like a know-it-all. Don’t say anything unpopular or controversial but have the courage to disagree with the

But if Bill owns his own shit, he will take responsibility for his negative emotion and disclose it to his partner immediately. He might say, "Look, I'll admit I'm feeling grumpy right now because I didn't sleep well last night, so I’m overreacting to your putting off doing the dishes again. It does bother me when you say you'll do the dishes and