What does a check-in look like? At the beginning of a new relationship, it might be an hour-long discussion. Weekly check-ins over time, however, can be as short as 5-10 minutes. A sample check-in: How are you feeling about us right now? Are you worried about anything? We've been talking about ______ issue over the last few weeks. How are you

When discussing guidelines, make sure that you are in a neutral space where everyone feels comfortable. Choose a time when everyone is well rested and healthy. The goal is to have a space where everyone feels safe to disclose needs, wants and fears in a conversational manner. And keep the conversation broad with open-ended questions. For example:

A more effective approach is to be brave and voice your fears. Admit your insecurities. Look your partner in the eye and say you have doubts. Acknowledge that you value what you have, and you trust each other enough to talk through it when things change. Empower yourself by acknowledging your emotional baggage, and strengthen your relationship by

I encourage you to have the confidence in yourself, your partner and your relationship to feel special without a restrictive rule. Rules can be broken, and they can change at some point. But if you put your trust in your partner and the strength of your relationship, it's far more effective than putting your faith in a rule.

Sometimes, these restrictions are applied in an attempt to assure that the original partners will feel special after new partners have been brought in. And this is a real and valid concern; if you love and value your relationship as it is now and are bracing for change, it's natural to be afraid that your uniqueness might be lost in the fray of New

I'm afraid if she has a girlfriend and I don't, it means _______________. And that means that she will _____________, and then I will be ________________. Remember, your fear is there for a reason. You won't have much success at polyamory until you nail it down and bring it out into the daylight where you have the power to address it. Whatever the

The issue with restrictive rules made out of fear is that the fear isn't actually addressed, so it never goes away.

Most of these restrictive rules are made with good intentions and with the goal of preserving the security and primacy of the original couple. However, they usually fail to do just that and in fact often serve as the impetus for the couple's demise. And the reason for that it quite simple: rules made out of fear are usually ineffective. Rules don't

If you haven't realized it from the previous chapters, owning one's own emotions and bringing up difficult topics can be hard! So it's a good idea to be kind to our partners who are brave enough to bring things up and deal with challenging situations. BDSM practitioners are familiar with the idea of "aftercare:" after a physical or emotional scene,