on friendship

The search for any kind of love, I now believe, is a continual process of looking in and out. Looking inwards to understand yourself, to be curious about your needs and desires and gifts and flaws, to develop generosity and self-compassion. Then looking outwards to use the power those things give you to love other people, and the life you are

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I think true love is inseparable from selfhood. Love, at its best, sharpens who we are. But the paradox is that it often requires clarity to begin with. The more honestly and precisely you can express your interior world, the more easily the right person can find and respond to it. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, love itself becomes the very force that... See more

Trust yourself: be who you are and amplify your signal. That’s how you find your people, and that’s how they find you. If something doesn’t feel right, or if you feel like you are forcing a connection more than it’s flowing, trust that there is someone else or somewhere else where you are meant to be instead.

We underestimate how much feeling seen has to do with the other person understanding how and why you make the choices that you do.

Those people are also usually the best mirrors (because connection is derived from admiration, and admiration is derived from seeing your own light in someone else). The people you share a wavelength with reflect your light back to you uniquely—they see you on a level others don’t, because they understand you on a level others don’t. And you do the... See more

I’ve come to understand that being on the same wavelength as someone is some combination of (1) admiring them, (2) sharing deep elements of yourselves (values, interests, principles, current inner context), and (3) being socially compatible (having similar ways that you like hanging out with one another). If you align on any of these, you’re going... See more

There’s a certain admiration you see in someone you connect with instantly and want to know deeper. A sense of: I get what this person is about and I admire it. Admiration is fundamentally seeing something you aspire to be in others—seeing your own light shine in someone else. Admiration reveals what is of value to you , whether that value is... See more

“I kept thinking, love must be here, somewhere. I looked and looked inside myself, but I couldn’t find it. I knew what love was. It was the feeling I had for my dolls, for beautiful things, for certain friends. Later on, when I knew Debbie, my best friend, I felt even more sure that love was what made you feel good. Love was not what made you feel

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