manhood

Young men need a liminal space where they are removed from the normal rhythm and routine of life and given time and opportunity to see what is inside them. They need space to encounter those who have grown up in completely different cultural contexts and bond with other men. In modern life, nothing does this quite as well as a gap year.

Second, most fathers lack a directional process that calls their sons to embrace the manhood they should be able to define.

3. Delaying Gratification

Once, my son wanted a Death Star LEGO set that costs big money. I told him he had to save his own money for it. Many times, he was tempted to buy a cheaper LEGO set instead, but I wouldn’t let him. He took great pride in his purchase because he didn’t fall into the temptation. He waited it out to get what he really wanted.

CHAPTER 5 REVIEW

1. In most cases The Talk should be initiated when your son age ten or eleven.




2. When first initiating The Talk don't be surprised if your son's answers are not forthright. For most fathers this will be the first time you have had such a frank discussion with your son.




3. Your goals for The Talk should include:

• Changing relational gears to

Role #6: Wise Man We live in a culture of fools. Men need to learn to become wise.

To do that, you’re going to have to learn to play well with others (easier for some of us than for others). The truth is, we don’t live in a vacuum, and, contrary to popular belief among many men, the “lone wolf” mentality will only get you so far.

Create Anticipation It has always encouraged my sons when I acknowledge they're becoming young men. So talk up The Talk. Let your son know that you are going to be makiìng time for the two of you to discuss manhood.

A month or so before the event, let your son know in a general way that in four or five Saturdays you will be spending the day with

I really want you to think through the process: I do, you watch, we talk. I do, you help, we talk. You do, I help, we talk. You do, I watch, we talk. You do, someone else watches. Start to use this process when opportunities come up to teach your son something. This can work when it comes to changing a tire or writing a check or starting a blog.