love and dating

I’ve watched the smartest, hottest, kindest, most talented women of our generation fall for the guy who didn’t utter a word at happy hour. Or the guy who only talks about himself. Or the guy with no hobbies or interests. Swag is more than clothes, it’s also presence — when one partner can carry a conversation, ask thoughtful questions, tell great... See more

Psychologists generally agree that similarity isn’t a good predictor of romantic compatibility. Nor is “complementarity”; opposites don’t necessarily attract. Gaps, then, aren’t a hugely helpful frame with which to consider relationships at all. And besides, isn’t it a bit navel-gazey to think so much about yourself in comparison to others? Freud... See more

The swag gap became notorious when a certain tabloid photo of Justin and Hailey Bieber dropped: Hailey strutting ahead in a bright-red minidress, her hair pinned into a bun, the shimmer in her eye shadow and necklace catching the light; Justin slouching behind in a heather-gray sweat suit, the zipper halfway down and no shirt underneath, his face... See more

In the wilds of the internet, some “gap” references are played solely for laughs; others appear completely serious. Many fall somewhere in between: They go for cheeky and knowing while making a sincere point—usually about approaching the gap in question with caution, or avoiding it entirely. And this category is the kind that can get in your head;... See more

I’m not surprised that people are wrestling with what it means to desire someone different from them. Since the rise of dating apps, singles—instead of coupling up with people in their social bubble, who are likely to be similar to them—have become more likely to date across race, education, and religious lines. This is a big societal shift, but... See more

Love is the drug, friendship the cure.

A growing number of younger people are abstaining—not only from alcohol, but also from sex. Romantic relationships, too, seem to be losing their cultural primacy. Single-person households are rising, and the notion of heterofatalism is becoming increasingly mainstream, especially among women. In this shifting... See more

If someone likes you best when you are vague, it means they fell in love with what they painted over you, not the actual contours of your selfhood. So when you begin to articulate your values, preferences, boundaries, they may pull away, because they never met you in the first place. The work of becoming specific, then, is also an act of... See more

Because someone once said: we are not defined by the love we receive - we are the love we give. The act of loving, even without outcome, still expands the soul and reveals what we’re capable of carrying.