the art of gathering

I have noticed that when all the lights are on, people tend to talk about what they are doing – their outer lives. Sitting round in candlelight or firelight, people start to talk about how they are feeling – their inner lives. They speak subjectively, they argue less, there are longer pauses.

To sit alone without any electric light is curiously... See more

“When I talk about generous exclusion, I am speaking of ways of bounding a gathering that allows diversity in it to be heightened and sharpened, rather than diluted in a hodgepodge of people.” — Priya Parker

There are a lot of organizational structures and lived practices embedded in our bodies that we just enact by default. But through explicit facilitation practices or when we make meetings happen in a certain way, that helps change these conditioned ways of operating. In the process of learning to work this way, what really helps is, again, trust.... See more

These folks are the guardians of the party’s communal energy. Their charisma is mature and thoughtful, not narcissistic. They can subtly refine and recalibrate social dynamics by introducing strangers, tweaking the lights, or suggesting the next activity—all without stealing focus from the moment itself. They’re observant, present, and able to... See more

An example of how Nick Gray brings delight to gatherings (Nick is the author of the 2 hour cocktail party):

One event I recently went to that was hosted by Nick himself had this amazing moment: he was sharing his favorite TikToks on a TV at the front of the room w/ about 30 people.

One TikTok came up w/ a viola player, but it froze & we couldn’t hear

... See more

“I think the reason there’s such good juicy kitchen gossip, and so much connection happens in the kitchen, is because you are usually kind of doing something repetitive, and that releases something in your mind that creates a space that doesn’t just reside in the brain, but also is something that becomes part of the body. And how often do we do... See more