book excerpts

We all spend time on the low rungs: ⬥ In case you’re thinking, “I’m a really smart person, so I’m safe from the low rungs,” Adam Grant has bad news for you: “Research reveals that the higher you score on an IQ test, the more likely you are to fall for stereotypes, because you’re faster at recognizing patterns. And recent experiments suggest that th

In the 2020 documentary The Social Dilemma, computer scientist Jaron Lanier uses Wikipedia as an example to highlight the craziness of this situation: When you go to a [Wikipedia] page, you’re seeing the same thing as other people. So it’s one of the few things online that we at least hold in common. Now, just imagine for a second that Wikipedia sa

⬥My personal favorite part of the document: The AMA says that “Low-income people have the highest level of coronary artery disease in the United States” should be swapped out for “People underpaid and forced into poverty as a result of banking policies, real estate developers gentrifying neighborhoods, and corporations weakening the power of labor

Think big. Read about the universe. Nothing makes hatred seem more ridiculous than internalizing how vast time and space are. Doing so makes me want to turn to anyone who will listen and hug them and say, “We both exist! On the same tiny planet at the same exact time! Hi!”

You can measure the health of relationships, teams, and organizations by measuring the lag time between when problems are identified and when they are resolved.

When we face Crucial Conversations, we have three broad options: • We can avoid them. • We can face them and handle them poorly. • We can face them and handle them well.

For instance, consider a typical Crucial Conversation. Someone says something you disagree with about a topic that matters a great deal to you, and your body registers the threat. Your body’s instinct is to prepare you for physical safety. Two tiny organs seated neatly atop your kidneys pump adrenaline into your bloodstream. Your brain diverts bloo

Every time we find ourselves arguing, running away, or otherwise acting in an ineffective way, it’s because we don’t know how to share meaning. Instead of engaging in healthy dialogue, we play costly games. For instance, sometimes we move to silence. We play Salute and Stay Mute. That is, we don’t confront people in positions of authority. Or at ho

Seventy percent of the success of a Crucial Conversation happens in your head, not through your mouth.