Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Third Edition

He’s just fallen into the trap we all fall into . . . choosing recent over right, or easy over hard. It’s up to you to keep the conversation at the level you want it by saying, “I know there was a lot going on this week along with the Johnson project. I get that. And I’m actually less concerned with the specifics of the Johnson project than I am wi

By focusing on higher and longer-term goals, you often find ways to transcend short-term compromises, build Mutual Purpose, and return to dialogue.

We sell out when we consciously act against our own sense of what’s right. And if we don’t admit to our errors, we inevitably look for ways to justify them. That’s when we begin to tell clever stories.

“But,” she continued, “I’ve learned that when my emotions take over, the best way to get back into control is to focus on a simple question.” At this point she had our full attention. Could asking yourself a single question truly transform your emotions the way we had witnessed it happening with Greta? And if so, what question should you ask? She c

When stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong, we’re often at our worst. In order to move to our best, we have to find a way to explain what is in each of our personal pools of meaning—especially our high-stakes, sensitive, and controversial thoughts and opinions—and to get others to share their pools. To achieve this, we have to dev

Crucial Conversations are most successful when they’re focused on one issue. Because human interactions are inherently complex, focusing a Crucial Conversation on a single topic takes effort. It requires us to thoughtfully unbundle and then prioritize the issues at hand.

For instance, consider a typical Crucial Conversation. Someone says something you disagree with about a topic that matters a great deal to you, and your body registers the threat. Your body’s instinct is to prepare you for physical safety. Two tiny organs seated neatly atop your kidneys pump adrenaline into your bloodstream. Your brain diverts bloo

Who? • Does what? • By when? • How will you follow up?

Lag Time Is a Factor