Vicki T
@vickisigh
Vicki T
But when you dismiss shame every day, every hour, you do end up feeling lighter and more carefree. You know you will expose who you are but you don’t care. You coax yourself out of tight spots now. You weather nerves with gentleness. You tell bright and loving stories about your foibles and mistakes.
How to Banish Your Shame
🎧: Dear Danny, Pt. 2: Can I have a kid without losing myself?
Haley Nahmanhaleynahman.substack.com
you have less leverage with your friends and that’s what makes their company enjoyable, the stakes are lower
people can tell when you want them to play a role in your life that’s different than that of a friend (something more eg: a sibling, a partner)
you have to learn to adjust your expectations (which is painful), you can’t be desperate for friendship
But when I think in terms of understanding the problem, or mapping the context , rather than solving it, I’m put in a state of mind that makes it easier for me to get it right. Being curious about the problem counteracts my confirmation bias and helps me see through to the deeper layers of the context where the better solutions hide.
Henrik Karlsson • How to solve a problem
understanding the context of a problem is crucial to coming up with solutions
I think it’s easy to feel paranoid and judged when you feel like you have no option but to keep every friendship alive no matter what. In your mind, if a friendship starts to go very bad, you only have two choices: Fix it, or ghost them. In my opinion, these are control tactics. Instead of admitting that some friends have mixed feelings about us —... See more
'My Friend Is an Asshole!'
learning how to talk about disagreements is important
In other words, you no longer devote so many of your hours to being legible to others.
How to Banish Your Shame
balance & sacrifice / art & time
youtube.comthinking of the bigger picture
sacrifices are required for creating art to be a priority in one’s life; found oliver burkeman’s concept of “strategic underachievement” really interesting
And you need to say to yourself, over and over: Do I like this?
When the answer is No, I really don’t like this , you get to act. You can pause. You can stop speaking. You can remove yourself. You can reflect. You have options.
When the answer is No, I really don’t like this , you get to act. You can pause. You can stop speaking. You can remove yourself. You can reflect. You have options.
How to Banish Your Shame
I spend almost no time with people I intuitively don’t like or am bored by, where I used to assume I should ignore those impulses.
ldeming - Posthaven
Let people disapprove. Let them misunderstand. Remain illegible. This is the opposite of shame.