If I had been brave enough to express my hurt directly to her, this might’ve changed. The less honest you are, in my experience, the more you get hurt and fucked with. The more you play politics or protect yourself in passive aggressive or avoidant ways, the more trapped in layers of artifice and confusion your life becomes. Real relationships take... See more

Honest conversations can be so helpful for this reason! They make it possible for everyone to learn new things and live in reality better. When you scrape shame and anxiety and defensiveness out of the picture as much as possible, you can encounter honest talk with a friend as a form of very intense SPEED THERAPY. You have to show up and hear how... See more

But telling rigid stories instead of talking directly isn’t a good habit. You’re like a referee, always making calls arbitrarily without learning more about yourself and your friend. I’m not saying there aren’t some friends that are very hard to speak to honestly and openly. But you still need to know that when something important comes up, you’re... See more

I think it’s easy to feel paranoid and judged when you feel like you have no option but to keep every friendship alive no matter what. In your mind, if a friendship starts to go very bad, you only have two choices: Fix it, or ghost them. In my opinion, these are control tactics. Instead of admitting that some friends have mixed feelings about us —... See more