amanda

the internet is not real!!!!

chicago; lakeview

quotes

• Before language, before identity, there is yearning: the infant cries not only for sustenance but for touch, for warmth, for presence. In that primal reaching, there is already a choice, not a rational one, but a visceral alignment with life, with connection, with being with rather than apart.

• It is a metaphysical orientation: the decision, over and over again, to seek intensity over numbness, expansion over contraction, intimacy over control.

• It is the decision to let yourself be undone by what draws you in. Consider the artist who gives herself over to a vision she cannot explain, or the thinker who risks intellectual exile to defend an idea no one else yet believes. These are not logical paths. […] They are chosen because something inexplicable stirs… a vibration, a recognition, a hunger that refuses to be ignored. The erotic decision is the one that defies linearity and invites metamorphosis.

• And longing, unlike craving, is unruly. It cannot be scheduled, monetised, or disciplined into productivity. That is what makes erotic decisions so destabilising: they can’t be managed.

• Eroticism, then, is about gravity, not about gratification, the pull toward something that reorients the self. […] These are erotic decisions: driven not by logic, but by the magnetic logic of the soul.

• Why do you wear that coat, hang that painting, play that song on repeat? Because something in it stirs you, it says: this is me or the me I’m becoming. The erotic is not decoration; it is design. It builds the architecture of the life we secretly want.

• Eros threatens order. It whispers: you are more than this. You could leave. You could want something else. And that, to the status quo, is heresy.

• Therefore, what does it mean to live erotically in a world designed to suppress the erotic? It means making decisions that align with your aliveness, even if they offend your ego, your upbringing, your pay check. It means walking away from a job that kills your soul. Reading poetry instead of productivity manuals. Saying “yes” to a conversation that scares you. Saying “no” to a relationship that drains you. Writing the damn book. Taking the long way home. Saying “I love you” before it’s safe. Listening to the small voice that says: this – right here – matters!

social media cities gentrification

wanting self improvement to the point of constant self criticism - realizing the system is designed to make u feel this way and forgiving yourself

shifting mindset around mortality - its more “wow i get to do this” vs. “we can only do this (and not everything).”