Sublime

If listening to his mother’s problems as a child gave a Nice Guy a sense of connection, he may grow up believing such behavior equals intimacy. In order to feel valuable and connected in his adult relationships, he will have to pick a partner who has her fair share of problems.

To strive to overcome the limbic-brain-induced impulses to burn the house down, smash all the china, or give his expensive suits away to Goodwill—choosing

It is infinitely more realistic for an unhappy couple to meet at their humanity than it is to try to work out their personality differences and the problems that arose from those differences.

Male or female, the way to walk the line between decisive and difficult may be, as Lynn Utter demonstrates, to dish it out very discriminately—to hide your teeth more often than you bare them.

Psychotherapist

parts carry extreme beliefs and emotions in or on their “bodies” that drive the way they feel and act.

we send out calls for connection tinged with anger and frustration because we do not feel confident and safe in our relationships.

We have a saying in Relational Life Therapy: “Tone trumps content.” Tone reveals which part of your brain you’re in, us consciousness or you and me consciousness.