Sublime

Once we incorporate the perspective of the excluded—in this case, Brit—priorities reorder.

offending from the victim position. When we offend from the victim position, we feel like a victim while acting like an offender.

The answer is complex, but one aspect of it is this: all therapists, under patriarchal mores, are coded as female, and as such they are subject to the same devaluing and intimidation as are traditional wives.

Stressful environments and challenging interpersonal situations add the necessary texture to bring out deeply buried resistance patterns that can be quite hard to see in a life dedicated solely to quiet contemplation.

Terry helped me make sense of the helplessness that I still felt. I came to understand that the crucial factor for me was the shame I felt about having been victimized. As is the case with many men, I had flipped that shame into a feeling of grandiosity. “Shame feels bad; grandiosity feels good,” he told me. “It is central to masculinity and