Sublime

sociologist Jessie Bernard argued in the early 1970s that increasing men’s opportunities for sexually novel partners was one of the most important social changes required in Western societies to promote marital happiness.29

Too often a good marriage is taken for granted rather than given the nurturing and respect it deserves and desperately needs. Some people may think that getting divorced or languishing in an unhappy marriage is no big deal—they may even consider it a simple fact of modern life. But there’s now plenty of evidence documenting just how harmful both

The advice I used to give couples earlier in my career was pretty much what you’d hear from virtually any marital therapist at the time—nothing but the same old pointers about conflict resolution and communication skills. But after looking squarely at my own data, I had to face the harsh facts: getting couples to disagree more “nicely” might reduce

When marriages fail, it is not increasing conflict that is the cause. It is decreasing affection and emotional responsiveness, according to a landmark study by Ted Huston of the University of Texas. Indeed, the lack of emotional responsiveness rather than the level of conflict is the best predictor of how solid a marriage will be five years into

A marriage’s meltdown can be predicted, then, by habitual harsh start-up and frequent flooding brought on by the relentless presence of the four horsemen during disagreements. Although each of these factors alone can predict a divorce, they usually coexist in an unhappy marriage.