Sublime

The quality of our closest relationships, more than any other factor, determines our physical health, resistance to disease, and longevity.

Happy couples do not talk to each other in any more “skilled” or “insightful” ways than do unhappy couples,

Last, if Alex feels a little extra crying will get Mom and Dad to compete to give him a few extra goodies—dessert and extra attention—he often exploits their tension like water seeping into a fissure on a roof. The gap between Mom and Dad widens further, and Alex unconsciously learns “victim power.”

“When you are in pain, the world stops and I listen.”

Money arguments are always about something deeper, and it was certainly true in his case.

Ickes finds that the longer many couples are married, the less accurate they are at reading each other. They lock in some early version of who their spouse is, and over the years, as the other person changes, that version stays fixed—and they know less and less about what’s actually going on in the other’s heart and mind.

Bad impressions and bad stereotypes are quicker to form and more resistant to disconfirmation than good ones.” They cite John Gottman, the well-known expert in marital relations, who observed that the long-term success of a relationship depends far more on avoiding the negative than on seeking the positive. Gottman estimated that a stable relations

Love Lab couples for decades, and in the end watched, recorded, and learned from over 3,000 relationships.