Sublime

Once your marriage gets “set” at a high degree of positivity, it will take far more negativity to harm your relationship than if your “set point” were lower. And if your relationship becomes overwhelmingly negative, it will be more difficult to repair.

This seeming paradox is acknowledged by Harville Hendrix in his Imago approach to relationship therapy. For example, a woman could marry a man who has some of the negative characteristics of her father, after having sworn that she would never do that. In turn, the man has chosen a woman who has some of the worst characteristics of his mother. Being

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Because of these dissimilarities, most marriages (including healthy, happy ones) follow a comparable pattern of conflict in which the wife, who is constitutionally better able to handle the stress, brings up sensitive issues. The husband, who is not as able to cope with it, will attempt to avoid getting into the subject. He may become defensive and

Gil had originally begun couples counseling with Barb to “fix” her problem. He claimed that she was depressed, angry all the time, and had no interest in sex. He reported that he constantly walked on eggshells, trying to make sure he never did anything to upset her.

“Maybe, Josef, living safely is dangerous. Dangerous and deadly.”