Sublime

A central premise of the partner-as-child theory is that it’s not an aberration or unique failing of one’s partner that they retain a childish dimension. It’s a normal, inevitable feature of all adult existence. You are not desperately unlucky to have hitched yourself to someone who is still infantile in many ways. Adulthood simply isn’t a complete

Learn to give judiciously and with no strings attached ■Face their fears

present.

all good lovers are in a way good psychotherapists: that is, the success of modern romantic relationships critically depends on the degree to which both partners can, at crucial moments, adopt a therapeutic attitude toward the other’s compulsions, blind spots, rages, and eccentricities.

These men have been conditioned to believe that if they are “nice,” they will be loved, get their needs met, and have a smooth life.

Some specific ways of practicing love are by showing what I call the “five A’s”: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing.