Sublime

Whether or not we want to transform our sexual natures, it is important to remember that the presence of a fantasy isn’t necessarily a psychological problem in and of itself but a way that the human mind manages to create what it perceives as safe conditions under which it can achieve sexual pleasure.

Sex can be so much more than we have come to believe. It can be a gateway to more connection, more vitality, and more sensation in all areas of our lives. All we have to do is explore it with the mind of a beginner. To leave behind the menu that’s been handed down to us, with all of its rules and expectations, and feel our way.

Traditional Western hypocrisy toward sex has prevented serious study of human sexuality until only a few decades ago. Like everything else in Western philosophy, sex is viewed through the lens of dualism: either sacred (in matrimony) or profane (out of wedlock), with no room for anything in between. The Chinese, however, do not draw distinctions be

Three is not a crowd when it comes to sexual fantasy. Some variation of group sex is a common fantasy, particularly among men.

However, as sex therapist David Ortmann suggests in his book Sexual Outsiders1(coauthored with Richard Sprott, PhD), erotic fantasies may or may not involve engagement with eroticism that moves beyond sex in more conventional contexts.

Our erotic orientation—our behaviors, fantasies, and preferences—do not always match up with the society’s (or our own) expectations about someone’s sexual orientation.

Today I will affirm my right to give sexual pleasure to myself. I will allow myself to explore all my nooks and crannies, to get to know myself on this erotic plane. When I know myself sexually, I can share my knowledge with others to create successful sexual relationships.

This means that more orgasms lead to less stress, less disease, and less aging—but only for women.