The Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

“Just tell me I don’t have anything to worry about.”

Occasionally, you may decide to dismiss something that’s bugging you because it seems too trivial. However, if that issue comes into your mind three times, it is obviously still bothering you. Perhaps you could start a conversation with, “There’s a small thing that’s been bothering me.”

It’s a very good idea for everyone to learn to live single—to figure out how to get your needs met without being partnered so you don’t find yourself seeking a partner to fill needs that you could equally well fill yourself. You might also consider experimenting with some relationships unlike those you’ve tried in the past—instead of looking for yo

Group sex offers the opportunity to challenge ourselves, move our sexuality out into the open with lots of support in getting past the fears and bashfulness and lots of friendly people to applaud our ecstasies. In

If you really want to be the world’s greatest lover, and you want to know exactly what pleases your partner the most, try masturbating in the same room.

Good communication begins with everybody talking about their feelings, long before they get to discussing the pros and cons of any solutions. Good communication is based on identifying our feelings, expressing them, and getting validation that our partner hears and understands what we are saying, whether or not they agree. Emotions are not opinions

SEX DISINFORMATION

Set aside some time for introspection. Remember some times when you felt jealous, and write about how that felt. You may find your mind preoccupied with thoughts about what those other people were doing. It may take a little patience to go back to your own feelings: rage, grief, despair, desperation, anxiety; feelings of being lost, ugly, lonely, w

Many of us start out paralyzed by shame and embarrassment, even after we figure out that we don’t want to be embarrassed by sex. The beliefs we were taught—that our bodies, our desires, and sex are dirty and wrong—make it very hard to develop healthy sexual self-esteem. Many of us spent our adolescences consumed with guilt for our sexual desires, o

Hands on skin is a great way to get into the present, into connection, and into love. Find some lotion and massage your lover’s feet. Take turns. Put aside future tripping: will this lead to sex? Who cares? The two of you are in the moment, feeling your feet.