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I don’t think I’m so good at that kind of friendship. My friendships, if they persist for long enough, have a way of getting weighty. But heaviness is also part of the magic—it’s hard to love someone or something without getting in too deep. I think the right people will follow you into the water, and teach you how to swim.

Didion has defined a writer as “a person whose most absorbed and passion ate hours are spent arranging words on pieces of paper. I write entirely to find out what’s on my mind, what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I’m seeing and what it means, what I want and what I’m afraid of.” She has also said that “all writing is an attempt to find out... See more

If that sounds awkward – and inefficient – it was all part of the plan: they were discovering what could work, even in such adverse conditions, and cutting no corners.

They understood that repetition wasn't redundancy, but ritual! And each telling was both the same story and a completely new experience, shaped by the particular moment, the specific voices, the quality of attention brought to bear.

Instead, I outright tell them that they already know, and I ask them questions to help them remember.

a principle is not a principle until it costs you something.

nothing is permanent, and if you try to stick to one path it lessens the likelihood of you surprising yourself or finding open doors you didn't even know where there. Cultivate relationships. You will be OK, dear questioner.

it’s not done because it’s perfect. It’s done because it’s done.