What is the opportunity cost? If I do this, if I go on this vacation, if I get this car, what am I turning down? By asking yourself this, and then consistently aiming to pick the thing that optimizes for what you most deeply value—it adds up. It makes life rich.

In our twenties, Johanna and I stared for a long time into our souls and concluded that three things matter to us over everything else:

1. our relationship,


2. being able to honor our curiosity, and


3. giving our children the opportunity to do the same.

I kept a notebook where I jotted down things I wanted to google and twice a week I’d go down to the local library, look at the list, and say, why on earth did I want to know Justin Bieber’s net worth? And then I’d go home again, to read and write, listen and talk.

It was the first time Johanna and I had lived together, so we spent much time talking about how to go about our lives.

She wanted to live frugally, she wanted to have the autonomy to pursue her interests without thinking about money, and this meant she was going somewhere no one wanted to live so rent was cheap.

It is rare for people to come into themselves if no one is excited and curious about their core, their potential. We need someone who gives us space to unfold.

predictor of leadership success can be summarized in 6 words: ability to operate at all levels.