I know that in a really great relationship or friendship, you should be able to state your needs without explanation. “I need attention.” “Some cheese would make me happy.” “I want to express a feeling that I don’t endorse.” “I am looking for a compliment.” “Can you tell me that I’m cute and good right now?”

Fear is self-focused. Day to day, our fear is about us. What will happen if we give that speech, launch that project, get stuck in traffic, are eaten by an alligator...

And generosity is about others. “How can I help?”

Jumping in the water to save a struggling swimmer stops us from worrying about how we look in our suit or whether the water is cold. ... See more

the thing is, as an adult, you get to make your own cool. you get to choose your own friends, live your own life. and let me tell you, in my life, where i make the rules, i am the coolest cat around.

being passionate about your hobbies is cool. asking good questions is cool. reading books is cool. taking notes is cool.

thinking of projects and then d... See more

It seems to me that egos emerge in order to take care of our needs in contexts where we don’t trust the strategy of surrendering to the We. The paradox is that the presence of ego is often one of the main things in the way of the We being able to take care of our needs.