Frank Brown

The AA motto— To Thine Own Self Be True —is not a tagline. It’s the heartbeat of the 12 Steps, the Traditions, and the Concepts. It’s not always evident on the surface, but the principles embedded in the 12 Steps are designed to bring a person home to themselves. Not to some idealized version of self-improvement, but to the original self. The essen... See more

Because I can't change a tire. I can't do my taxes. I can't light a grill. I usually can't hang a picture without creating holes the size of silver dollars in the drywall. (But the few times I have done it successfully, man, oh, man, did I feel like I could save us all.) I can't camp. Or ski. Or climb up ladders higher than six feet. I speak no oth... See more

“I have a colleague who often tells people, “Look, allowing yourself to be dependent on another person is the worst possible thing you can do to yourself. You would be better off being dependent on heroin. As long as you have a supply of it, heroin will never let you down; if it’s there, it will always make you happy. But if you expect another pers... See more

“Dependency may appear to be love because it is a force that causes people to fiercely attach themselves to one another. But in actuality it is not love; it is a form of antilove. It has its genesis in a parental failure to love and it perpetuates the failure. It seeks to receive rather than to give. It nourishes infantilism rather than growth. It ... See more

“I define love thus: The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth.”

― M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth

I do not believe in fate. I do not believe in a higher power that runs my life like a puppet master. But I do believe that it’s up to me to see, hear, feel HP in my life (step 11). It will take me a while to fully grasp the lessons I have learned through this journey.

I am willing to not know, look stupid, make an ass of myself, get it wrong, be awkward, be uncomfortable.

I am willing to do all that so I CAN BE FREE.

What other people might think seems like vital information when you have rarely had a felt sense of belonging in the world. I wonder what it's like to just get out of bed, put clothes on, grab your keys, walk out of the house, go to a place, and not think anything of it. Like, not think about any of it. AT ALL.

is a three-step process that takes you from making a mistake to moving beyond it.

1. Own your mistake. To do this, say to yourself, “I made a mistake. I’m human. I will take responsibility for it and I will work my way through this.” Then check your emotions. Name what you are feeling.


2. Show yourself compassion. Think through how this mistake happened.

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