things you should remember

I know that among my regrets, one of the sharpest is refusing to accept a sincere apology. Offering an olive branch takes courage. Try to reward this, even from people who you don’t believe deserve forgiveness.

I know that there are two modes of experience: appreciative, and evaluative. Concrete example: let’s say you’re listening to a piece of music. Are you sinking into it, awash in emotions? You’re in the appreciative mode. Are you the mixing engineer, listening to the snare hits to make sure they’re consistent? You’re in the evaluative mode. Much of s... See more

I know how to spot real confidence. Look for people who are fluid with status—who allow themselves to be the butt of a joke, or accept criticism, but also avoid false modesty, and inhabit the spotlight when it falls on them. One might call this a balance between dignity and humility. Pro tip: people who always cling to high status aren’t confident ... See more

Forgiving doesn’t mean you forget or excuse the hurt; it means you choose your peace over your pride, your joy over your anger. It means you stop letting the past poison your present.

Forgiveness is the ultimate act of self-care. It’s not about them—it’s about you, your well-being, and your ability to live a life unburdened by the weight of perceive... See more

People Can Only Meet You As Deeply As They’ve Met Themselves.

I used to be a parrot, echoing other people's ideas, opinions, and beliefs, because I wasn’t sure of my own. I thought that by ‘borrowing’ and mimicking, I’d be more likeable, it’d be easier to seem cool, clever, or to belong. Looking back now, it gives me the ick—the amount of shit I nodded along to, gross. I think I was scared of looking stupid, ... See more

If our foot is perpetually on the gas, it’s hard to take stock of where we are in this process — how we feel, how it’s going, what comes next.

"Finding your way in life is like unlocking the combination of a safe. You have to go forwards and backwards. Life is not a direct march from A to B. The twists and turns are progress, not regression. What feels like a setback in the moment is later revealed to have been part of the path all along. Each move was necessary to get to your end goal."

t you can shape yourself by reshaping your relationships. By changing who you are addressing, and the responses you garner, you steer your development. You become more agentic.