thinking of the bigger picture

you haven’t wasted your life, life is rich to live, life isn’t transactional, you’re always living/breathing/interacting with the world and people throughout time

don’t keep this secret convenient life to yourself as a way to nurse your ego, feel sorry for yourself, and entertain what-ifs or the idea of a life you should’ve lived, it’s a way of not giving yourself the gift of your own life

the process of living is that at any moment there is potential for great suffering and you’re always kinda dipping in and out of it

you’re being safe with yourself by not giving into your own life all the way, you’re protecting yourself from your own life

try to stop retreating into doubts/anxiety/paranoia, be in the situation that you’re in and show up in good faith, try to meet your own life in good faith, and then you can have a true temperature of what you’re feeling in it, as opposed to consistently relying on this backstepping/pedaling/rethinking of dissatisfaction, all of that is convenient projection and speculation until you try to let it go and actually enter the life you’re living

rumination is a way of trying to control your uncertainty, there’s no RIGHT/divine answer, stop thinking about forever do you want X today?