Raising children
Jung called this process Individuation, which is really a great word for it. We move from a social and cultural identity to a truly individual sense of self. While in the first half of life we internalize aspects of our environment, in the second half we explore and express the truths which arise from within, individuating ourselves from group
... See moreJude Star • The Paradox of Pursuing Happiness: Insights from Depth Psychology
.psychology
Jung differentiates the first and second halves of life, with the first being largely focused on developing an identity to succeed in the world. As adolescents we explore different social groups and activities, internalizing aspects of these things to form an identity. Our identity often relates to what music we listen to, how we dress, our hobbies
... See moreJude Star • The Paradox of Pursuing Happiness: Insights from Depth Psychology
.psychology
The writer Zadie Smith puts it better than I ever could, describing having a child as a “strange admixture of terror, pain, and delight.” Smith, echoing the thoughts of everyone else who has seriously considered these issues, points out the risk of close attachments: “Isn’t it bad enough that the beloved, with whom you have experienced genuine joy,
... See morePaul Bloom • What Becoming a Parent Really Does to Your Happiness
Something must an invaluable blessing , if the prospect of losing it appears like hell on earth.
The one thing parents can do for their children is live their lives as fully as they can, for this will open the children’s imagination, grant permission to them to have their own journey, and open the doors of possibility for them. Wherever we are stuck, they will have a tendency to be stuck also or will spend their life trying to overcompensate.
... See moreJames Hollis • Living an Examined Life
The attachment we have to an individual can supersede an overall decrease in our quality of life, and so the love we usually have toward our children means that our choice to bring them into existence has value above and beyond whatever effect they have on our happiness.
Paul Bloom • What Becoming a Parent Really Does to Your Happiness
value above mere happiness
The modern style of parenting is not just exhausting for adults; it is also based on assumptions about what children need to thrive that are not supported by evidence from our evolutionary past. For most of human history, people had lots of kids, and children hung out in intergenerational social groups in which they were not heavily supervised.
... See moreDarby Saxbe • Parents Should Ignore Their Children More Often
Whenever we lie to kids to protect them, we're usually also lying to keep the peace.
One consequence of this sort of calming lie is that we grow up thinking horrible things are normal. It's hard for us to feel a sense of urgency as adults over something we've literally been trained not to worry about. When I was about 10 I saw a documentary on
... See morePaul Graham • Lies We Tell Kids
The Little Chap Who Follows Me
A careful man I want to be —
a little fellow follows me.
I do not dare to go astray,
for fear he’ll go the self-same way.
I cannot once escape his eyes.
Whatever he sees me do he tries.
Like me he says he’s going to be —
that little chap who follows me…
He knows that I am big and fine —
And believes in every word of mine.
The
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