# Recovery

my character defects — or defaults, as my sponsor likes to call them

all the things I had assumed would make me happy in sobriety never panned out the way I thought they would. Many of the dreams I'd had before I got sober simply do not matter anymore. There are no more dreams big enough to replace this wild new reality. My life is much smaller than it used to be, but it's also the biggest it's ever been.

W e, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have re-covered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.

Basically I was trying to gather impediments in my mind to pull me back from pushing myself outside my comfort zone.

Regardless of what label we give it—we already know some of the most important things about addiction. We know it can, and often does, kill. We know it hurts the people we love and ourselves. We know it’s a medical condition. And we know it’s possible to recover.

“Brothers, do not be afraid of men’s sin, love man also in his sin, for this likeness of God’s love is the height of love on earth. Love all of God’s creatures, both the whole of it and every grain of sand. Love each leaf, every ray of God’s light. Love animals, love plants, love each thing. If you love each thing, you will perceive the mystery of... See more

I remembered that I actually did put this person on a way-too-early amends list, one that I'd thrown together with a few weeks of sobriety and zero program. I put them on the list, not because I did anything to them but because I simply wanted them to like me. In my delusional Dale Carnegie fever dream, I'd win this friend and influence the person... See more

My active drinking career highlighted a lot of things I didn’t know how to do:

• Be honest with myself.


• Understand my own motivations and needs.


• See my proper place in the world.


• Appreciate my own quirks.


• Believe that I’m enough for the world, as-is.

But fear is the fire alarm, not the fire. Fear is a response to a perceived threat, not the danger itself. Fear isn’t even always commensurate to the size of the danger. A fire alarm can blare as loud and long for burnt toast as it does for a roaring blaze.