# Recovery

"I was always loved, but I always wondered, also, what that love depended on." (Leslie Jamison, The Recovering)

Have you been able to forgive yourself? To accept yourself for who you are and the choices you’ve made? And have you forgiven others for being who they are, with their limitations? Are you able to accept life as it is? Not situations that shouldn’t be tolerated, but the particular life you were given and have gone on to create? Have you been able... See more

But of course calling oneself a monster can be a form of self-aggrandizement. The worst part of myself is my occasional feeling that I am a very, very special kind of monster. A dumb story I can get caught up in is this one: No one is as big a monster as me. The grandiosity of my self-loathing (and its attendant self-pity) could blot out the sun if... See more

I’m not fatalistic, I just believe that life is about being open to whatever comes next. I also know that when I haven’t learned what I need to, well, the Universe has the tendency to keep throwing me that same pitch until I learn what to do with it.

all the things I had assumed would make me happy in sobriety never panned out the way I thought they would. Many of the dreams I'd had before I got sober simply do not matter anymore. There are no more dreams big enough to replace this wild new reality. My life is much smaller than it used to be, but it's also the biggest it's ever been.

I think I became an alcoholic because I was ashamed of me. I was afraid to be me.

Perhaps a better metaphor would be a spouse facing illness and refusing treatment, the anger that could bring. Even so, I want to believe I did alcoholism to myself. It flatters my independence, no matter how much damage I did.

I drank to escape what I thought about myself.