# Recovery

I don’t how shame came to be part of the equation of who I am—but it ran pretty deep. I think that sense of inner shame is pretty common among us alcoholics and addicts; it’s true that drinking and using let us escape other people and external obligations—but it was mostly me that I was running from.

Because I can't change a tire. I can't do my taxes. I can't light a grill. I usually can't hang a picture without creating holes the size of silver dollars in the drywall. (But the few times I have done it successfully, man, oh, man, did I feel like I could save us all.) I can't camp. Or ski. Or climb up ladders higher than six feet. I speak no... See more

I believe I’ve always been a sensitive, generous, and caring person—but too wound up in my own troubles to express that or to really be there for others

But fear is the fire alarm, not the fire. Fear is a response to a perceived threat, not the danger itself. Fear isn’t even always commensurate to the size of the danger. A fire alarm can blare as loud and long for burnt toast as it does for a roaring blaze.

preoccupied attachment — always scanning for proof we’re loved, always bracing for abandonment. We’re so used to checking the “supply line” to feel okay — whether that’s alcohol, a person, or constant external validation — that we forget we can carry the reassurance inside us.

Drinking helped me be the person I thought people wanted me to be. Recovery helped me find the person I actually was and to live the life I was meant to lead.

We'll See - A Zen Story

There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit.

"Such bad luck," they said sympathetically.

"We'll see," the farmer replied.

The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses.

"How... See more

recovering a sense of self and purpose

classic Adult Child of Alcoholics, afraid of conflict and largely focused on the need for everything to be OK