# Recovery

"Mono means "thing," and aware (pronounced ah-wah-reh) translates to the sensitivity or gentle sadness about the transitory, ephemeral nature of life. It can also mean sensitivity toward things and the nature of life – something that is consciously recognized and accepted with a hint of melancholy or wistfulness."

Then it got more specific:

“This is... See more

Sobriety has been about finding my true self and identifying the false narratives, and then laughing at the ridiculous grandiosity and general overblown-ness of my fears and feelings.

Everyone else is having a great time, everyone else knows what to do, everyone else’s life is just better.

I drank for 45 years to try and live like I thought everyone else lived.

⁠

⁠

My drinking grew from fearing what the Universe had in store for me; Sobriety has been accepting what the Universe has in store for me.

⁠

Basically I was trying to gather impediments in my mind to pull me back from pushing myself outside my comfort zone.

I’m ashamed of my neediness of not wanting to be abandoned. I don’t want to be cast off and unloved.

"Your point of view is something personal to you. It is no one's truth but yours. Then, if you get mad at me, I know you are dealing with yourself. I am the excuse for you to get mad. And you get mad because you are afraid, because you are dealing with fear."

I needed to quiet the constant voice in my head wondering why we still didn’t measure up, why we hadn’t accomplished more, why more people didn’t like us, why were we always so alone?