# Recovery

My drinking grew from fearing what the Universe had in store for me; Sobriety has been accepting what the Universe has in store for me.

I work with extroverts, people who were never the kid no one wanted to sit next to on the bus

I’m slowly making a new life. It began by accepting what was; That I was an alcoholic who lacked the power to control my drinking. That I needed help. That I couldn’t go on the way I had been living.

I don’t how shame came to be part of the equation of who I am—but it ran pretty deep. I think that sense of inner shame is pretty common among us alcoholics and addicts; it’s true that drinking and using let us escape other people and external obligations—but it was mostly me that I was running from.

Do the next right thing and the next right thing will happen.

The things that are supposed to happen, generally do happen

I was a shy and anxious kid, consumed by big feelings and perfectionism, neither of which I understood.

It feels like there are so many contradictory rules: we have to ask questions but also talk about ourselves. We have to be cool but not detached. We have to be smart and informed but not a pretentious know-it-all.

I can see that I’m lot kinder to myself in the aftermath of these moments. There’s a lot less judgment, and I'm a lot quicker to apologize and try to repair. I can objectively say that my life is one thousand percent better sober, yet I can’t stop imagining the other lives that I want or obsessing over the lives I haven’t had. And then all of my... See more