# Recovery

I felt sick in that house all the time because it’s a terrible feeling to be cast in the role of co-conspirator before you’re old enough to choose, or to have any say at all. It makes you feel meaningless and powerless and like you’re part of something secretive and ugly, even if you don’t fully understand what it is.

I didn’t know how to stop the slow motion accident that was my life.

“Young man, do not forget to pray. Each time you pray, if you do so sincerely, there will be the flash of a new feeling in it, and a new thought as well, one you did not know before, which will give you fresh courage, and you will understand that prayer is education.”

I drank to escape what I thought about myself.

I delude myself into thinking I'll feel better if only I do things my way, which may give me a temporary high but are by no means a longer term salve. Sometimes I pass these actions off as habits I need to practice in order to keep my spiritual backbone strong. Honestly though I can loosen my grip a little and understand the important distinction... See more

The idea that I would be ridiculed and teased if I were to reveal bits of myself, the things I liked, the things I thought, the things I was afraid of. I came to believe that the only version of me that was palatable and sale-able to the world at large was the one I was painstakingly constructing and that required the prodigious consumption of... See more

Today I pray that money comes to me with ease and clarity. I pray to spend and save within my value system. I remember that debt doesn’t make me bad or unworthy. My money business is my business, not anyone else’s. God as my employer, I surrender to spirit’s will for me.