# Recovery

preoccupied attachment — always scanning for proof we’re loved, always bracing for abandonment. We’re so used to checking the “supply line” to feel okay — whether that’s alcohol, a person, or constant external validation — that we forget we can carry the reassurance inside us.

I drank to escape what I thought about myself.

““The day is to be experienced, not understood!””

— The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have by Mark Nepo

https://a.co/bqJ5F7K

I am willing to not know, look stupid, make an ass of myself, get it wrong, be awkward, be uncomfortable.

I am willing to do all that so I CAN BE FREE.

My drinking grew from fearing what the Universe had in store for me; Sobriety has been accepting what the Universe has in store for me.

Sobriety has been about finding my true self and identifying the false narratives, and then laughing at the ridiculous grandiosity and general overblown-ness of my fears and feelings.

⁠

⁠

I didn’t begin a life of manipulation and deceit to gain anything other than acceptance. I wasn’t trying to trick anyone out of love or money, or really anything tangible, I just wanted to make them happy. I had come to believe this meant adopting a certain persona, trying to become the thing that each and every person needed and loved, even... See more