# Recovery

I’m not fatalistic, I just believe that life is about being open to whatever comes next. I also know that when I haven’t learned what I need to, well, the Universe has the tendency to keep throwing me that same pitch until I learn what to do with it.

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My drinking grew from fearing what the Universe had in store for me; Sobriety has been accepting what the Universe has in store for me.

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It is so easy to look for answers outside of ourselves when the real work at hand is an inside job. God lives in and all around us, we are never not connected to spirit, even in our darkest moments.

Go to bed earlier. Wake up and move right away. Find sunlight and get in it. Even when you feel tired, go on a walk. Cheer yourself on the entire time. These small shifts are creating an entirely new version of yourself. Commit to them, and you’ll be a different person.

Drinking helped me be the person I thought people wanted me to be. Recovery helped me find the person I actually was and to live the life I was meant to lead.

Perhaps a better metaphor would be a spouse facing illness and refusing treatment, the anger that could bring. Even so, I want to believe I did alcoholism to myself. It flatters my independence, no matter how much damage I did.

The only way I knew to accommodate the duality in me was to drink.

I believe I’ve always been a sensitive, generous, and caring person—but too wound up in my own troubles to express that or to really be there for others

I knew that I had once again repeated the same old pattern: I threw everything I could into the relationship (all caution to the wind) and spent no time on taking care of myself and dealing with my own problems.

I bet all my chips on thinking that if I could find “love” that my relationship would solve all my problems.

I was wrong.