# Recovery

I didn’t know how to stop the slow motion accident that was my life.

what I value most in a relationship are, in ever-shifting order, humor, empathy, intelligence, understanding and surprise.

Basically I was trying to gather impediments in my mind to pull me back from pushing myself outside my comfort zone.

classic Adult Child of Alcoholics, afraid of conflict and largely focused on the need for everything to be OK

That the small decisions add up—in both directions. I can decide to take daily actions that put my needs first, feel incrementally better, and be able to help others. Or, I can put something else first, quickly start to suffer, and become a burden to everyone around me. It’s all so infuriatingly simple.

the monopolistic god of irritable omnipresence , and you have the definition of God that people are usually referring to when they ask whether you believe God exists

“Brothers, do not be afraid of men’s sin, love man also in his sin, for this likeness of God’s love is the height of love on earth. Love all of God’s creatures, both the whole of it and every grain of sand. Love each leaf, every ray of God’s light. Love animals, love plants, love each thing. If you love each thing, you will perceive the mystery of... See more

The idea that I would be ridiculed and teased if I were to reveal bits of myself, the things I liked, the things I thought, the things I was afraid of. I came to believe that the only version of me that was palatable and sale-able to the world at large was the one I was painstakingly constructing and that required the prodigious consumption of... See more

I don’t how shame came to be part of the equation of who I am—but it ran pretty deep. I think that sense of inner shame is pretty common among us alcoholics and addicts; it’s true that drinking and using let us escape other people and external obligations—but it was mostly me that I was running from.