# Recovery

I didn’t know how to stop the slow motion accident that was my life.

Then, shortly after our daughter Gwen was born, as I understand it goes, my marriage was revealed for what it was. I had a lifelong (and unmanaged) mental health issue, and my husband had an addiction (also unmanaged) to alcohol. Now that we had a baby, we could no longer ignore our unwieldy foundations.

I think I became an alcoholic because I was ashamed of me. I was afraid to be me.

Absolute Honesty:

“No lying, no cheating, no stealing; in a word, in all your affairs, simply and absolutely no falsehood.”

Absolute Purity:

“Purity of mind, purity of body, purity of the emotions, purity of heart, sexual purity.”

Absolute Unselfishness:

“Seeking what is right and true ahead of what I want in every situation.”

Absolute Love:

“Loving... See more

I am who I am today because of relying on a power greater than myself, attempting rigorous honesty, having sponsors, taking responsibility for my shit, and trying to be of service to others.

You know it’s okay to need people, right?

To ask for help? We know that a lot of people believe that you should be out here pulling yourself up by your bootstraps but we’d like to propose an alternative: that we put out our hand when we need help, and let someone else do the pulling. And when we’re up and steady, we reach back and offer a hand.

Until I gave up my made-up construct for the life I thought I was supposed to be living, I couldn’t begin to live the life that was actually meant for me. Until I let go of everything not meant for me, what was meant for me couldn’t find me.

I’m ashamed of my neediness of not wanting to be abandoned. I don’t want to be cast off and unloved.

I work with extroverts, people who were never the kid no one wanted to sit next to on the bus