P.S
The seeds of intimacy are time and repetition. We choose each other again and again, and so create a community of two.
Esther Perel • Mating in Captivity
We are deeply into sex, but at the same time, deeply at odds with it, often misunderstanding our own urges, needs, and desires. We judge our sexual longings, we curtail our desires, and we cut ourselves off from all that it affords us. We convince ourselves that we just don’t need it or want it. This is a problem that speaks to an unhappiness at
... See moreNan Wise • Why Good Sex Matters: Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier, and More Purpose-Filled Life
2. Focus on having a good time. The “conversion” shouldn’t be a match, it should be having a fun night out.
David Titarenco • RFC: Let’s Disrupt Dating Apps
less outcome, more process - a new way of dating? is this potentially linked to exploration?
Potential link to timeline decline
Which brings me to my next point: the incentive should always be meeting in real life. Matching, exchanging numbers, texting is great, but the end goal of the app should push the meet. It’s strange that apps haven’t done this.
David Titarenco • RFC: Let’s Disrupt Dating Apps
the rise of supper/running/vinyl listening clubs - all meant to become that third space for serendipitous connection
think about book club in New York!
these days, the art of hanging out seems to be waning in cities.
Allie Conti • We Really Should Hang Out More Often
Looking for love sounds more like chasing the high of an extreme sport, trust falling with someone you don’t really know like that. It demands exacting reciprocity, extreme vulnerability. It brings out people’s basest and most primal instincts and a frightening desire to merge into someone else. When the girlies on TikTok talk about dating, they... See more
Prioritizing pure feeling, so the idea goes, leads to people choosing bad, unsuitable partners, to acts of desperation and violence, to shirking your duties. That love can also be an incredibly redemptive force meshes uneasily with our sense of individualism, with our Protestant ethics. Controlling it requires an entire normative framework.
Falling in love seems to happen mostly either by a process of osmosis or simple familiarity (and a lot of waiting) or by setting intentions of seriousness and weeding out partners who don’t share them. Sometimes, it happens randomly. Sparks fly. You’re reminded why there’s so much poetry, so much music, so many stories, so many cautionary tales... See more
modern love dictated by reality, rather than cultivated through serendipity